Term 2 reminder: house ties are mandatory; house morale is optional. The chapel organ has been retuned. Someone left a banana on the keyboard. Pacific Highway pedestrian crossing reverts to normal operation after Tuesday's incident. Cadet bivouac relocated to Bowman Field pending Hornsby Shire clarification. Senior Study Hub kettle: operational. Senior Study Hub kettle queue: not. Westfield lunch-run permits revoked for Year 9 until further notice. Reminder: assessment submissions in MP3 format are now strongly recommended. iCentral confirms last Tuesday's Flexischools outage has been resolved. Mufti Day raised $4,217 for the Year 7 Pastoral Care Vending Machine. Reminder: e-scooters are not permitted in the chapel, even briefly. The First XV defeated themselves in a closed-doors trial. Coach "pleased". Boarders kindly requested to stop forming their own micro-economies. The kookaburra on the front lawn has been issued a Year 12 leadership badge. The plinth on the front lawn is the site of the seventh memorial. BREAKING: Year 9 cohort discovers Year 9 cohort. A reminder that the Avenue is for pedestrian use, not for trading futures. Celebration of Learning concluded at 8:47pm. The Headmaster has notes. Year 11 Avenue trading incident now under quiet review. iCentral reminds students: closing your laptop is not, on its own, a backup. Term 2 reminder: house ties are mandatory; house morale is optional. The chapel organ has been retuned. Someone left a banana on the keyboard. Pacific Highway pedestrian crossing reverts to normal operation after Tuesday's incident. Cadet bivouac relocated to Bowman Field pending Hornsby Shire clarification. Senior Study Hub kettle: operational. Senior Study Hub kettle queue: not. Westfield lunch-run permits revoked for Year 9 until further notice. Reminder: assessment submissions in MP3 format are now strongly recommended. iCentral confirms last Tuesday's Flexischools outage has been resolved. Mufti Day raised $4,217 for the Year 7 Pastoral Care Vending Machine. Reminder: e-scooters are not permitted in the chapel, even briefly. The First XV defeated themselves in a closed-doors trial. Coach "pleased". Boarders kindly requested to stop forming their own micro-economies. The kookaburra on the front lawn has been issued a Year 12 leadership badge. The plinth on the front lawn is the site of the seventh memorial. BREAKING: Year 9 cohort discovers Year 9 cohort. A reminder that the Avenue is for pedestrian use, not for trading futures. Celebration of Learning concluded at 8:47pm. The Headmaster has notes. Year 11 Avenue trading incident now under quiet review. iCentral reminds students: closing your laptop is not, on its own, a backup.
← All news

Community

On the Seventh Memorial: The Gun, Once Ours, Now Theirs

Term 3, Week 1 · A piece by the College Archivist (anonymous, by tradition)


Anyone walking the College grounds with even casual attention will encounter our war memorials. There are six of them. They are: War Memorial Oval (the No. 1 Oval), the Mothers' Memorial Pavilion (the Grandstand), the WW1 Pylons, the WW2 Steps, the War Memorial Chapel, and the memorial in the Junior School. Each is treated, by the school and by the community, with the seriousness it deserves.

There used to be a seventh.

On a date in 1921, in a ceremony of the kind that schools held often in the years immediately after the Great War, the College unveiled a captured German machine gun. It was set on a low stone plinth, near the front lawn. It was a memorial. It was, in the manner of the period, both a memorial and an object — a real machine gun, captured from a real war, presented to the school as recognition of the service of Old Boys who had not come home.

It sat there for two decades.

At some point during the 1940s, the Australian Government repossessed it.

The records, in the way of records, do not say very much about the repossession. The College's view, then and now, is that the gun was reclaimed by the Commonwealth in the context of the Second World War, in line with policies of the period concerning serviceable arms held privately or institutionally. We can confirm only that the gun was unveiled in 1921, that it sat on the plinth for some twenty years, and that at some point during the 1940s the gun went away, and the gun did not come back.

Six memorials remain. They are well-cared-for, frequently visited, and the subject of considerable institutional effort, particularly around Anzac Day. The seventh — the gun — is, by every measure available to the College, gone.

What remains of it is the plinth, which still sits on the lawn near the front of the school, weathered now, mowed around carefully by the grounds staff, and bearing no plaque, because the original plaque went with the gun. Visitors arriving via the Pacific Highway gate sometimes pause at it. The plinth does not announce itself. It is, however, the seventh memorial, and the only one that is no longer there.

We are an Anglican school, and we are accustomed to the kind of memorial that has its object firmly in place. The seventh is a different kind of memorial. It memorialises, on the plinth itself, the men whose service prompted the gift. It memorialises, by the absence above the plinth, the gift itself — a real machine gun that was, for two decades, on our front lawn, and was then, by the same Government in whose service those men had been killed, taken away.

The College does not, the College has never, expressed any institutional opinion on the repossession. The Archives have a copy of one (1) photograph of the gun, taken at the unveiling. It is in a folder. The folder is in a drawer. The drawer is, contrary to school folklore, not locked.

If you ask, we will show you.


Filed under satire. See the legal page.

DISCE · UT · LUCRERIS

Definitely Not
Barker College

A student-run parody. We are not the school, we are the joke about the school.

Quick Links

Contact

  • support@barkercollege.org
  • No phone. No address. No regrets.
  • Take-down requests welcome and likely to be honoured if framed politely.

Legal

This site is a parody. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or representing Barker College.

© 2026 Definitely Not Barker College · Hosted on Cloudflare. Endorsed by no one.