◆ Term 2 reminder: house ties are mandatory; house morale is optional.◆ The chapel organ has been retuned. Someone left a banana on the keyboard.◆ Pacific Highway pedestrian crossing reverts to normal operation after Tuesday's incident.◆ Cadet bivouac relocated to Bowman Field pending Hornsby Shire clarification.◆ Senior Study Hub kettle: operational. Senior Study Hub kettle queue: not.◆ Westfield lunch-run permits revoked for Year 9 until further notice.◆ Reminder: assessment submissions in MP3 format are now strongly recommended.◆ iCentral confirms last Tuesday's Flexischools outage has been resolved.◆ Mufti Day raised $4,217 for the Year 7 Pastoral Care Vending Machine.◆ Reminder: e-scooters are not permitted in the chapel, even briefly.◆ The First XV defeated themselves in a closed-doors trial. Coach "pleased".◆ Boarders kindly requested to stop forming their own micro-economies.◆ The kookaburra on the front lawn has been issued a Year 12 leadership badge.◆ The plinth on the front lawn is the site of the seventh memorial.◆ BREAKING: Year 9 cohort discovers Year 9 cohort.◆ A reminder that the Avenue is for pedestrian use, not for trading futures.◆ Celebration of Learning concluded at 8:47pm. The Headmaster has notes.◆ Year 11 Avenue trading incident now under quiet review.◆ iCentral reminds students: closing your laptop is not, on its own, a backup.◆ Term 2 reminder: house ties are mandatory; house morale is optional.◆ The chapel organ has been retuned. Someone left a banana on the keyboard.◆ Pacific Highway pedestrian crossing reverts to normal operation after Tuesday's incident.◆ Cadet bivouac relocated to Bowman Field pending Hornsby Shire clarification.◆ Senior Study Hub kettle: operational. Senior Study Hub kettle queue: not.◆ Westfield lunch-run permits revoked for Year 9 until further notice.◆ Reminder: assessment submissions in MP3 format are now strongly recommended.◆ iCentral confirms last Tuesday's Flexischools outage has been resolved.◆ Mufti Day raised $4,217 for the Year 7 Pastoral Care Vending Machine.◆ Reminder: e-scooters are not permitted in the chapel, even briefly.◆ The First XV defeated themselves in a closed-doors trial. Coach "pleased".◆ Boarders kindly requested to stop forming their own micro-economies.◆ The kookaburra on the front lawn has been issued a Year 12 leadership badge.◆ The plinth on the front lawn is the site of the seventh memorial.◆ BREAKING: Year 9 cohort discovers Year 9 cohort.◆ A reminder that the Avenue is for pedestrian use, not for trading futures.◆ Celebration of Learning concluded at 8:47pm. The Headmaster has notes.◆ Year 11 Avenue trading incident now under quiet review.◆ iCentral reminds students: closing your laptop is not, on its own, a backup.
Disclosure
How is this allowed?
Short answer: parody. Slightly longer answer: parody plus a careful set of choices
designed to make sure no one mistakes this site for the actual school, no real person is
named, and no real assets are used.
The plain-English version
- This site is a parody. It is not affiliated with, endorsed by, sponsored by, or representing Barker College.
- All names, quotes, articles, fees, scholarships, donation tiers, and events on this site are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons is coincidental, satirical, or both.
- No personal data is collected. There is no login, no analytics with personally identifying information, no tracking pixels, and no forms that store anything anywhere.
- No real Barker assets — crests, photos, logos, or licensed fonts — are used on this site. The crest you see is custom-drawn and includes a kookaburra holding a calculator, which is, we hope, sufficiently distinctive.
- This site is a not-for-profit student project. It exists for the amusement of students. There are no advertisements, no sponsorships, and no monetisation of any kind.
If you'd like this taken down
Email support@barkercollege.org.
A real human reads this inbox. We will respond. If you are from the school and ask politely,
we will almost certainly comply. Threatening letters are also welcome and will be framed.
The slightly more legal-sounding version
The contents of this website constitute satire and parody of the genre and conventions of Australian
independent-school marketing communications. No content on this site is intended to convey factual
statements about any identifiable person or institution. All trademarks, where referenced for parody
purposes, remain the property of their respective owners. This site does not host, collect, or process
personal information of its visitors beyond the standard request logs maintained by the underlying
content delivery network. To the extent any party considers any specific element of this site
objectionable, the operator commits in good faith to review and, where appropriate, modify or remove
such content upon reasonable request communicated to the contact address above.
A note on tone
The school does many things well. We are not sending up the school. We are sending up the genre — the
serif-heavy prospectuses, the deathless fundraising drives, the assemblies that run twelve minutes too
long. If we have crossed a line, tell us. We will move the line.
A pure parody operation.